I have chosen to write about values in this blog because life is precious. My values are something that I regularly think about in order to remain connected to what really matters to me and to question how much I am living in line with my values. Below I will share with you some of my thoughts along with some helpful questions that I ask myself to stay connected to what matters to me as I move through life and all its demands.
Being in touch with our values can be really helpful to us because often when we feel disillusioned and stuck in our life patterns, we can find the notion of creating change overwhelming and difficult. We may be having multiple questions running through our minds. Where to start when trying to create change? Do you focus on work or personal life? How do you know what to change and how?
Firstly, let’s define values. Values are our ideas and desires for how we want to live. This can involve taking into account how we want to act in the world, interact with other people, the kinds of relationships we want to have and how we want to spend our time. Values can represent what is important to us, what matters to us in life and how we want to be thought of by others in our lifetime. Values can be representative of the sort of person you are and the life experiences that you have had that have influenced you and your growth.
Values can fit into various aspects of our life, for example parenting, family, relationships, work, recreation, community, social network, personal growth, religion, spirituality, activities and health. There are many more areas of our life where values can exist. Values are different to goals. Values are leading principles that can guide us and motivate us as we move through life. A goal is a desired outcome that can we can work towards.
It can be easy to get carried away with the flow of our lives by having an approach or attitude of just ‘go with the flow’. Sometimes months or years can pass as we continue with our routine and the choices and decisions attached to it. Sometimes it can take a major life event, or an epiphany moment when we begin to question our life choices and whether we are living a life that is meaningful to us right now. The question of what is meaningful and more specifically, meaningful right now can change depending on the phase of our lives or what is going on for us.
Whilst values can remain fairly constant, they can also alter from different parts of our life and in response to changes in our life. Perhaps you are forced through life events to re-visit your values, or you may just want to review them to ensure that you are living a life that is in line with your values. Trying to lead a value based life is helpful to us as we are then more likely to be connected to experiences of contentment, happiness, satisfaction, personal growth and achievements. To help you connect to and understand your values, below are some questions that you can ask yourself:
– What is important to you?
– What do you want your life to be about?
– What sort of person do you want to be?
– How would you like to be described by others?
– Consider your life achievements that you feel positive about, what values contributed to your success?
Once you have identified values that are important to you, the next step is to select actions and goals that are aligned to the values. Although carrying out actions or activities may sound straightforward, often our internal, psychological experiences can get in the way. For example, we may have barriers such as negative thoughts, self-doubt, self-criticism, voices, anxiety, anger and hopelessness. Being guided and motivated by the values that are meaningful to you, will support you to take action.
Exercise – there is a wonderful metaphor about driving a bus of your life and how we navigate through obstacles and challenges and yet stay committed to moving forward with the life that you want to live.
To see a video demonstration of this metaphor of your bus of life, please watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z29ptSuoWRc
Therapy can also be helpful to discover and understand more about our self. I have worked with many clients who have wanted to address their work and life balance, wanted to manage stress, fatigue, burn out and unhappiness. Other clients have simply wanted to continue to lead their lives in the way that works for them and have used therapy to stay on track with their progress. Whatever your circumstances, therapy can be a helpful place to stop and reflect upon yourself and life choices and journey!